Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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