standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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