This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Randomize
