Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
