So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
