never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize