So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
