he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
