I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
