I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
