i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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