Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
