just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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