she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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