College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
