I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
