apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
