somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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