You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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