I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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