So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Enjoy the penises
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
