If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
