We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
