it glows. i had to have it.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
