Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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