I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Farmville is her only friend.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
