I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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