We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
