you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
