Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
