so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
