Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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