I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
