She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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