cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
