i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
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I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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