I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
