I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize