member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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