Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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