dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
