Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
