when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
