I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
