I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you win again, gameday.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
it's like iHOP with fire
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Randomize
