ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
We got so high we made milksteak
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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