If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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