I just saw a hot homeless man
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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