you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just showed my drunk fiancรฉ where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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