I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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