I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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