I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Randomize
