you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
