You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
