sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
