Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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