One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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