I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
