i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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