my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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