then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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