hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
