Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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