Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
