I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
