they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
