do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
