ya dads aren't the best wingmen
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
