I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
