It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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