I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
