Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
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