WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
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