I can't watch pbs sober anymore
it's great music for shaving your balls
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
