Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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