Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
As shirtless as possible
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
