I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
