im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
