you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
