ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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