I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
