found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize