i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
