I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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