why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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