hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
