grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I need a beard to bite.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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