dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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