honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
