dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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