how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize