hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
