No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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