definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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