Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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