I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
