i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
