So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
