just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
