one two three fourrrrnication!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
