I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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