You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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