My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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