My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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